Changes
by Diana Troy
Summary: Clark's take on a changed friend. AU. L/L


Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Don't sue.   
  
"Changes"  
  
  
Twenty years on this earth and sometimes I feel as if I know nothing about it. I've been through so much, yet understand so little. With all the after-effects of the meteor shower, I thought I had seen everything.   
  
But I never imagined that one day I would see anything resembling this...  
  
You see, a part of me always knew that we weren't meant to be.   
  
By the time high school ended, there had been so many missed opportunities, I think we both felt it was time to let go... At least for that time.  
  
So I went off to Metropolis with Chloe.  
  
While she stayed back here.   
  
Why she did, I'll never know. She had always seemed so fascinated with Metropolis... I thought that she would jump at the opportunity to leave Smallville and go to a place where she could discover herself freely.  
  
But she didn't. She stayed in here and continued to work at the Talon. Said she wanted to take a break from school to... to... to what? I don't exactly know. And she wouldn't tell me. Maybe she couldn't.   
  
But she'd seemed happy. So I didn't try convincing her to go to school.   
  
When I heard about her and Pete, I can honestly say that I was shocked. Pete had never really seemed interested in her, and well... did they even talk in high school?! He just didn't seem her type.   
  
But they seemed happy... staying Smallville... living a quiet existence.   
  
In case you couldn't tell... I'm not right about many things.   
  
After a few years of wedded... bliss (?) with Pete... Lana took off, completely abandoning the Talon and Aunt Nell.   
  
I guess the quiet life wasn't for her.   
  
It's been five years... and she still hasn't come back. I don't think anyone is waiting anymore, anyways. No one.. except, maybe-- him.   
  
He never said anything when she left. Never a look of sadness, not even a flinch when I told him the news. Just pretended things were as they had always been.   
  
But I knew.   
  
I know what you're thinking. I'm wrong about everything. The name "Clark Kent" is almost synonymous with "most dense guy in the world"... So how could I know... what I think I know.   
  
Because he's not as stiff and cold as he thinks he is... with me and Lana, he'd made what Lana liked to call "forever friends". We'd both smirked at the title, but enjoyed it in secret... pulling it out every now and then for fun. And when I left, the two continued in that fashion, living in a comfortable friendship.   
  
And then, just like that... one of them was gone.  
  
I've known Lex for a long time, now. And one thing I do know is that he has feelings... he doesn't show them often, but every now and then, he would smile, or frown-- you know, just enough to remind everyone that he was human.   
  
He seems cold on the outside, but I've seen his warm interior. Underneath all the fire and ice, he's nothing but a little boy struggling defiantly to prove something great... to the world.  
  
No one ever notices that.   
  
They all just think he's some incompetent rich kid trying to prove something to daddy. And in a way, he is. But it goes farther than that. He wants to be someone.   
  
And she believed in him... encouraged him... I know she did... she'd tell me in our weekly (turned monthly... turned yearly) letters to each other.   
  
One look in his eyes and I could see what her leaving had done to him.   
  
It wasn't that he needed her to be with him... he had been fine with watching as she and Pete enjoyed a relationship somewhat similar to her previous one with Whitney. Pete, Whitney - whoever the token boyfriend was, it didn't matter.   
  
As long as she was there.   
  
As long as he could see her, be near her.. I guess just as long he knew that she would always be there. She was his rock, the one thing that had remained constant for a large expanse of his life.   
  
I know he loves her.   
  
And it's funny.   
  
An ironic little twist of fate, you might call it. I remember years ago, when I was still in love with her, but too afraid to make a move because she had a boyfriend. And I remember Lex telling me that if he were in my situation, he would get his girl- that nothing would get in the way of what he wanted. A few years go by, and look how things change.   
  
He's in love with her, I know he is. I've known it for some time, now.   
  
And yet, he still does nothing. Nothing -- when before, he told me he would do anything; do it all, for the woman he loved.   
  
Two years she's been gone… without a phone call or a letter. And you can see what it's done to him. I honestly don't know if she's dead or alive. Part of me doesn't care. But then the other part of me realizes that Lana has no idea how he feels about her. That she has no idea that he refuses to close the Talon, despite its declining sales for the past year. She doesn't know that the man with no heart learned to love… for her.   
  
Lex told me once that Lana was just using wings that had gone unused for far too long... that she was like a beautiful butterfly immersing out of a cocoon, newly born with a zealous lust and desire to be free. And that to consider anyone else in this quest for self-discovery would only prolong her absence... and possibly deter her from her path.   
  
Yep- he used those exact words. Really, he did.   
  
And I don't understand... because ... well, I mean she had every opportunity to "discover" herself before... to go to college, get a real job, fall in love-and she just let them pass her by without a second thought.   
  
I guess Lex knows something I don't. And I think that knowledge is what's kept him from falling over the edge. Thank God for that.   
  
My first time back in years and things have changed so much... yet at the same time, they haven't changed at all.   
  
She's gone. But she's here.   
  
And Lex. Well, he's here.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
But he's gone, too. 


End file.
